Testimony of Redemption

Introduction to my testimony

I’ve never been strongly religious. As a very young boy I did bible school at a local church. As a soldier going to war, I heard something “There is no such thing as an Atheist in a foxhole.” This phrase got me going to just about any religious ceremonies I could simply find the time to attend since my job as a soldier was extremely busy especially in the deadliest place in Iraq for months. Faction didn’t matter because I wasn’t devoted to any certain faction. I simply wanted to see what I could learn and see if anything fit me without a doubt. Nothing showed itself to me as a realization that it was something I should continue the rest of my life.

                No matter how religious I was, the devil entered my life and turned everything I had worked on for quite a few years into flames. Everything that “mattered” because I had worked for it burnt to the ground in minutes. I was crushed. But my feelings and losing everything of mine was small as to needing to be the strong one for the rest of the family. Being the one that’s supposed to have the answers is hard when your mental state is rough.

                I was doing the best I could, but it was getting worse for me. A couple months after the house burnt down, it was a rough day between my wife and I. That day went downhill hard. I had a motorcycle wreck which I have no memory of. My wife was following me in the truck trying to get me to leave the bike and get in the truck to go “home”. I’m not the kind of man to leave my motorcycle anywhere that I’m not. I rode it there which meant I could ride it home. Because it was a hard day between my wife and I she was following me in the truck. I turned at a light and she had to wait a minute. When she turned and started to try to find me, she saw me lying face down on the ground quite a bit from my bike (70 ft.). She physically got to me and tried to roll me over to check on me and she realized I wasn’t breathing, and I was covered in my own blood. She ripped out her own fingernails on multiple fingers to turn my body over so she could give a proper inspection all while trying to keep my head and neck safe from more damage. She cleared my airway and cried to Jesus when I started breathing again. A policeman arrived and tried to get my wife to leave me and talk to him, but she would not leave me until paramedics arrived and she could tell them important things about me that would pertain to them saving me. The cop didn’t even see the motorcycle and kept pushing his thought that Amanda did this to me. It didn’t help that to prove who I was she needed to show him my ID.  My wallet has the unabbreviated words for BAMF printed on it and is inspired by the wallet that Samuel L. Jackson had in Pulp Fiction. Regardless, it didn’t make the cop act any nicer. Amanda had to watch the EMT’s revive me almost the whole way to the hospital. I spent 3 months in ICU. Amanda was the biggest reason I survived that as well because if she hadn’t been around the hospital would have killed me by giving me meds that I was severely allergic too and removing organs without consent.

                Since then, I’m physically trying to learn to live with a Traumatic Brain Injury and a left ankle that won’t ever be a normal left ankle again as well as the aftermath of all the other injuries.  The company I worked for when all the bad stuff happened fired me. In my mind, correct or not, I needed to work again to take care of my family. Because of this I found a company quickly to hire me for much less than I was making but it is a solid job. Even though neither my wife nor my Trauma Doctor/ best friend found it a good idea to try to get hired and work again, I did it anyway. Regardless of whether I should or shouldn’t, it’s my responsibility. 

Living my life feeling like the Papa Bear who has it under control,

Go see family for Christmas and back home feeling whole.

Working outside my comfort zone to make better stuff happen,

BOOM is the explosion which destroys our home, I’m panicked.

Too many people around and too many distractions here,

I’m a problem solver but in that moment lived only Fear.

Worked to the bone, this is my confession,

Unfortunately along with Anxiety, PTSD, and Depression.

Day after day just “Live your life” and do your best,

Don’t sweat the small things let God handle the rest.

God may work wonders but I’m just a man,

My life is in ashes so I put my faith in I AM..

My faith isn’t being questioned, trying to use prayer for help,

I felt like I threw a quarter into a bad wishing well.

Prayers are worthless without love for the Lord,

trauma taught me he is more powerful than a sword.

Without the Holy Spirit saving my physical health,

I would be eternally burning as my old, damned self.

Our human choice often leads to lessons learned,

Without my memory Gods armor keeps me preserved.

Life is a gift even if you’re at rock bottom,

His gracious love will never  be forgotten.

I breathe, wake up and see the sun light,

When I’m blinded by darkness he gives me sight.

I’ve been through quite a bit of hellfire in my physical life,

Through all the pain and trauma, I now have a path through strife.

I want to solve my problems and make MY plan,

Have to be patient knowing I’m in his hands, is probably not the same as this man.

His plans for me will lead to harmony

It baffles me that my initials are JC.

I’ve made it this far and NEVER thought myself dumb,

But recent discoveries brought me out of being numb.

The better I make my spirituality,

The less faith I have in humanity.

Most ONLY care about worldly things,

Love is most important I’ll follow my King.

As I’m dying, I need professional help,

Unfortunately, confusion is all that is felt.

We are all made in God’s appearance,

Yet our mindset is nothing but difference.

I learned appreciation restarting at the bottom,

Good is good all the time, I’ll never be forgotten.

Is your life the same in the cage with no purpose?

Running around blindly anxious and nervous?

Be on the right path, seeing clearly through the wilderness.

Only LOVE in my heart without the bitterness.

Too many things to think about making you waiver?

Are you on the correct path to discover your savior?

Reborn and saved, so simple it’s genius.

My blessings are counted now that I live for Jesus.

From emptiness to prosperous

I found truth in your promises

Your scripture shows purpose

Never again will I feel worthless.

 By Jeremy Caquelin