Abandonment
Without love there can be no pain
I give my heart on a silver platter
And then I feel the strain
Like a marionette on a bunch of strings
I said “I do” before God,
But in your eyes it lost its meaning.
Minutes and years apart long gone
I don’t know what to do
I’m going to see one more dawn
All the things I did to please you…did you forget?
My gestures feel empty, I’m filled with regret.
All the years came and went
All I’ve done, all I sacrificed
Grind it into the pavement
Time goes by, on your shoulder a chip
I feel like the captain… going down with the ship
I’m not going to roll over and play dead
And damage the sanctum where I lay my head
My home is supposed to be my sanctuary
Now in my head I’m living in purgatory
All I can do is sit and wait
While she packs her things and goes away
Nothing I can do… no turning back now
My marriage is broken and so are our vows.
I don’t know what I feel or how to relay it
Rushing by so quickly I can’t get a grip
You’ve made me doubt my life
Materialism is void
truly I only want my wife
I guess it’s not meant to be
The veil is been lifted, now I can see.
Go on little butterfly, now you’re free
You’ll find out the grass where you lay isn’t that green
Maybe you’re driven by greed
I’m at my lowest…. time to flee
My only need is for God to stand by me.
I gave you my heart and I said my vows
As you left you scattered seeds of doubt
After all we’ve been through…. How?
My compass is broken
What direction should I go now?
I’m so tired of the struggle
In my head, my heart, and my life
Remember the days you and I just cuddle?
Good memories cut like a knife
Anxiety, Depression, Post Traumatic Stress
Home, kids, dogs, divorce… you’ve left me with a mess
But I digress.
Without brokenness you don’t know victory
I’m tired of the struggle, no one gives me sympathy.
If it’s not one thing, it’s another
Bad day after bad day, why even bother?
What are we here for? What’s our purpose?
The pursuit of life, love, and happiness?
I was only used for your amusement
I thought God was my savior and his son died for my sin
He’s witnessed my fight, I don’t know if I’ll win.
I’ve prayed and prayed so many times
Just to see all the happiness… from the sidelines
It’s over! I’m a soldier, KEEP MOVING FORWARD
I’m waist deep and your drowning from afar.
My moral compass is still on track
I’ve begun to remove the knives from my back
I’m a witness to what has lacked
I’m still processing how I should react
The world on my shoulders came off of its axis
Life is too heavy, my name is not Atlas
Should I push or pull, this has become madness
The muscles of my heart have hardened due to sadness
It’s time for a masterpiece of my own canvas
My pain is a stone, life’s friction making it sharper
It’s time to stop the train, set my sights farther
No longer a husband, try to be a better father
I’m regaining my balance like a toddler
This is my life I know its not pretty
One step at a time don’t need your pity
Find goodness somewhere… I’m not picky
I’m not trying to be witty
Just searching within me.
Is that too much to ask for?
Pick myself up off the floor
I want to experience more
Discover who I am at my core
Maybe God will see me then
He will cleanse me of my sin
All that matters is the end
I’ve experienced hell, called it my friend
I’ll never break even if I bend
By Jeremy Caquelin
